Diversions - It's a Pinkachan/Lana Del Rey Kind of Day

I haven't written since December 2021. Sorry, to readers (if there are any) and to myself for spreading myself so thin that I have lost friends and gained weight. I'm having a wee struggle but I'll add cute pics so you can feel as funny and confused and joyful and heartbroken, as I do. 😬🛸

I have ZERO reason to feel this way; except that in the words of Lana Del Rey we are Born to Die and this FACT makes life even more fleeting than we already know it is. I want every second to count but the urgency is so crystal clear that I am impatient and want to get it all, do it all, succeed at it all RIGHT NOW, but know the scientific limitations of this -so frustrating.

I have an amazing Insta-friend @Pinkachan (Celena) who somehow I fell in love with. Initially it was her feed (we share a similar taste in fashion, history, art and music) and then a few other things like her untenable positivity and style. But it is also her personal story of an instant, life changing experience that would challenge even the toughest minds. But she is always high spirited as she looks forward. Of course she has bad days but she holds herself high and lives with such presence and joy and gratitude that on days that I feel the special sadness that I feel today-Summertime Sadness, in this case- I break with guilt. I guess it's a Lana Del Rey/Pinkachan kinda day?

My whole life I've fought for something, but it always ended up being the wrong thing, or the wrong way or the wrong side, the wrong people, the wrong food, the list of wrongness - oy vey. Now that I am older, I am trying to fight for the right thing; sadly, I don't even know what the thing is nor why I still continue to have to fight. My world, with this hindsight perspective has shrunken to an exceedingly diminutive and sometimes questionable marble. (Note to self: Ask Philip Altstatt if he would do me the honor of a comissioned painting of marbles for a friend.)

I spoke with a friend recently and while at one time we were close, I find that when we speak about "things," a euphemism for uncomfortable trendy politics, I feel exactly the opposite-not close to her. I rumenated about this and instead of feeling refreshed in my connection with my friend, I felt judged, put down and misunderstood. I felt like I had to bargain with her; sell something to her about my perception and experience-convince her of my viability as a thinking woman; it was clear that she considered her ideals better and smarter than mine. After this converstation, I woke up at 4:58 AM and instantly began digging into myself-the usual internal dialogue- "I'm not nice enough, I am not good enough, I don't deserve the sweetness of life..." It flung me into a dark little hole. This interaction, while small, was epiphanic. This questioning and this type of hurt from a person who you once felt was a 'ride or die,' actually served to increase my wisdom. Meditating brought me to a thoughtfulness in which then I could self-asses and therefore question as many angles of that tiny sphere as possible (of course a sphere has no angles).

It was an unnecessarily heady morning as these things swam in the sea of my mind. The only thing they were serving to do was push me under the water. When a talk with a friend creates these kinds of feelings within you, what do you do? This talk with my friend felt like an ending; this ending threw me into grief. To try to heal from this loss and to help sew up the mental badmouthing about myself in my mind, I called my sister-a divinely magical little creature.

My sister has a tendency to see a puzzle very clearly and then she can sometimes tell you how to put the puzzle together. This is one such instance. Not only did I feel the loss of this friendship, but I also still feel the loss of "home." With all the death, grief is sure to follow and anyone is hard pressed to go it alone. Marissa (my sister) reminded me that everything has a time and then read me a passage from Anne Frank - Diary of a Young Girl. Anne Frank was being hunted and yet, her faith remained: "Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy."

It pulled me instantaneously out of the pit I had cast myself into. I could feel my sprits lift and my self talk turn around. I went from saying, "I am worthless," to "I am priceless." With that one phrase by a 13 year old little girl, I was able to see more clearly. When you can feel that a relationship can no longer move forward in the direction you are going, it's ok to let the relationship go. Change is inevitable.

When you realize you are priceless on this planet as part of The One, you change how you see yourself and therefore how others see you as well. Perhaps my friend sees me differently because I have gained a self assurance I did not have when we had begun our friendship? How have you changed with your friends? Have you lost friendships? Or gained them? Why and how did these changes happen? And, when you got to the other side of grief, did you feel the way I feel now-a little more gracious, a little more thankful, a little more resilient?

I'll leave you now with these cool pics, a couple of songs and some wisdom from an Instafriend with an incredible story of survival and a famous little girl who poured her heart out into a diary while hiding in a 300 square foot attic. Remember these small wisdoms - grief occurs in all kinds of ways and in all kinds of situations, loss is a reality of life so try not to abuse yourself; you are the one you are born with and die with. I have tried so hard to maintain relationships but the reality is that some just can't be saved. In the words of the great Jedi Master Yoda "The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. Death is a natural part of life. Rejoice for those around you who transform into The Force. Mourn them do not." You are exactly where you are supposed to be. 

Trader Joe's Pfeffernüsse Cookie Mix for Gwenny's Hermit Holiday Cookies

I love Trader Joe's. It's the best snack store in the world! There are really specific items I go there for-Korean Green Onion Pancakes, Plantain Chips, Olive Tapenade and Cocobon Wine and this little goody around the holidays - Pfeffernüsse Cookie Mix. The cookies are ok, but I made a recipe with this box mix that is knock your socks off, holiday magic! But it all starts with the mix! 

There are these cookies from New England called Hermit's. I have wanted that taste and texture all winter long. I made a recipe from Cook's Illustrated that I got years ago for Hermit cookies. But they weren't really the soft chewy texture I was looking for. Instead, they were more like plain old Ginger Bread. Don't get me wrong! I love Ginger Bread. But I was going for the taste and texture of something else so it was kind of a let down. 

Then I remembered that I had this little mix in the cupboard. I added this and that, a little bit of love and whole lot of holiday magic and voila! I had a really hard time deciding on a name for these little treats. So I made sort of a mash up title. Either way, it all starts with this special mix from Trader Joe's.

Gwenny's Pfeffernüsse Hermit Holiday Cookies

Ingredients:

Trader Joe's Pfeffernüsse Cookie Mix 

1 Large Egg

1 Stick of butter

1/4 Cup Molasses

1/2 Cup Heavy Whipping Cream

1/4 cup currants

`1/4 cup golden raisins

1/4 cup candied ginger

Directions:

Preheat oven to 325

Whip butter until creamed

Add Egg and Cookie Mix, beat again with mixer

add heavy cream and molasses and beat again

fold in currants, raisins and ginger

Create evenly sized cookie balls 

put on a parchment lined cookie sheet and sprinkle with sanding sugar

and bake in the pre-heated oven for exactly 13 minutes!

Voila! You will have the chewiest, tastiest Christmas cookies ever!

Winter Reading List

FICTION FIRST!

While none of these books scream "wintertime," there is something about the subjects of all of these reads that do, in fact, scream "wintertime." They all deal with the nebulous characteristics of time travel, re-life and/or choices. Something about winter gives us hope. Perhaps it's the short days, perhaps still it is the darkness and death all around us. As humans we tend to forget that we die or worse yet think we can cheat death. Memento Mori! All of these books, at least tough on the subject of everlasting life on earth and how that can be it's very own imprisonment. 

The Midnight Library is a fascinating book where the heroine try to kill herself but instead is put on each path she could have chosen. It is amazing and so well thought out that when it ends, you wish it hadn't. Matt Haig is an accomplished author and not one of his tomes have I completed and then found a waste of time. Never! He is a talent and this book will not disappoint.

Addie LaRue is another book where everlasting life on Earth takes precedence. Sadly, it is done by an unwitting and naive young girl who simply wants to avoid marrying a man with whom she is not in love. The thing is, is that when you bargain with the devil, hell is what you'll have. Such a great read! Like The Midnight Library, I couldn't put it down.

The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August is a book that was so profound to me that I read it several times and suggested it to just about everyone. It is captivating as we see the struggle of good and evil, crossroads of choice, moral flexibility and a story wherein you sympathize with both the protagonist and antagonist at some point. During this time of Covid, I should revisit it again as the topics seem poignant as our lives have been turned upside down.

COOKBOOKS!

Once Upon A Kitchen was an accidental treasure! I was looking for an oracle deck for my sister for Christma and came upon this little diamond! The photos are superb and the recipes are super with little stories and film histories accompanying them. I'll have to do a post about the things I have tried from this beautiful book. This is a crossover gift that doubles as a cookbook but also a fun read! And Leslie Bilderbeck is an amazing chef with an outstanding curriculum vitae! It is so worth the splurge.

 

How to Eat a Peach is an amazing book that was suggested to me by the same friend that suggest Harry August and what a dream cookbook. I love a menu and this book is a cookbook of menus! Fully planned menus that are calculated with panache and sophistication and the photos and food styling are unmatched. And everything is planned by season. Plus, the cover is fuzzy - like a peach!

If you have a book lover or a chef that still needs Christmas gift, Amazon has two day shipping and I bet you have a Barnes and Noble nearby.

Blueberry Scones

Scones are such a treat! But if you only knew how easy they can be, they'd be a real breakfast standard for you, I think. These ones are blueberry but you can make them with raisins, dried apricots, chocolate chips and candied orange peel or just plain old cinnamon and brown sugar. Anyway you slice it these are delicious, easy, fast and most importantly, a crowd pleaser! Instead of those cinnamon rolls you usually make for Christmas morning, why not try these?

The following recipe make four big scones to feed four regular people.

Blueberry Scones-

Ingredients:

1.5 Cups Bisquick

1/2 Cup frozen blueberries

1/2 Cup sugar

Milk (roughly 3/4 Cup but no real measurement)

Directions:

Put Bisquick, blueberries and sugar in a bowl. Mix gently.

Add milk until the consistency of dough is sort of crumbly as oatmeal would be but so it sticks together.

I know this sounds sort of wishy washy but as you may know I love to eyeball stuff.

Drop the scones by a 1/4 measuring cup onto a baking sheet lined with parchment.

Sprinkle with sanding sugar

Bake at 400 until your kitchen is filled with a delightfully yummy aroma and the tops are golden brown about 10 minutes.

This recipe is SO easy and people will think you worked your butt off to achieve this yumminess.

If you make them, let me know what you think!

 

Artist Love - Shiori Matsumoto

 I found Shiori Matsumoto when I was looking for "Zig Zag Girl" images. You know the image. The lady who is the magicians assistant (of course the assistant and never the magician [eye roll]) gets in a box and then the box is separated into a zig zag pattern. The illusion insists that the female assistant has been turned into three separate pieces. In any case, I was looking for this image because it holds a special symbolism for me. 

And what I found in my search was this morsel of goodness. First of all, the color theory is fantastic. But the imagery is tops. The dwarf baby child monster has such a cute tiny butt. Look at that little tushy! The round room, the tiny Fez, the realism of the girl. I love the whole thing.

Look at the creeper here behind the curtain. The imagery is great in an of itself. The bear engaging with the audience. The girl in the mirror. The bird with the lollipop. It's all so crazy!

And this one...so pretty! The title is "Door of Boundary." You can learn more about Shiori and see more of her work here.

Shiori's pop-surreal expressions are reminiscent of Mark Ryden who I recently learned was the cover artist for the late great King of Pop Michael Jackson's "Dangerous" album. Mr. Ryden has a great instagram post about the 5 days that were required to come up with the concept. You can see it here. Juxtapoz Magazine covers more on this piece here.

In a future post I will cover more of Mark Ryden's art. When I was in art school (a long time ago) he was whispered about. 

I can't wait to cover more art. Stay tuned! 

XO, Gwenny

Fire Cider - All Natural Immunity Booster for Cold and Flu Season

In mid-October or so, a friend of mine reached out about this stuff called Fire Cider. She asked, "Have you ever made this?" Not only had I never made it, I had never heard of it. But my friend is a bonafide "Earth Mother," so I knew she had a little secret resource that I had never hear of. My friend Jen is a researcher of energy work, a practitioner of natural life enhancements and a discoverer of unusual but helpful health impacts. This Fire Cider is one such health impact, natural life enhancement, that as we move into the "season of sick" you may find really super useful. 

She first found the recipe on Homestead and Chill. You can see the recipe here. But the original recipe is from Rosemary Gladstar's book: Medicinal Herbs: A Beginner's Guide. I tried to follow the recipe exactly but found that up here in the remote Appalachian Mountains it can be difficult to find even the simplest ingredients which can be viewed as "exotic" by us mountain folks. Nevertheless, I did the best I could and so did Jen. 

I also conducted more research. I had heard from my Uncle about the thieves of the plague having doused themselves with some concoction of vinegar and oils that staved off the contracting and eventual death from the Bubonic Plague. I found the Nourished Kitchen in which, Jenny, an herbalist and writer of the information mentions an entire history of this. It's really fascinating! She also has a recipe which she calls "Four Thieves Vinegar."  Although it is different from Fire Cider, I think I'll try it next because it's aim is still to increase our immunity. May as well! It certainly can't hurt. Plus, variety is the spice of life and now I'll have two brews to keep us healthy through the winter!

We began our batches about 2 days apart from each other. I got all the ingredients on a Sunday and she got them a couple days later. You know everything is time dependent and we are both working ladies with families so we do what we can. We chopped, cut, minced, whirred and blended all of the stuff together and let it sit on the counter for a month, maybe a little longer even.

People said the most outlandish things to see this jar of "stuff" on our kitchen counter. My mom called it "mung" and said she would NEVER try it. My uncle said it sounded interesting. My sister-in-law said it stunk like feet. And my husband, God bless him, just hung out waiting for me to be done with it.

The reality is though, that we are headed into cold and flu season, not to mention the nightmare germ is around still so if this stuff can shorten the length of any viral symptoms then load me up with said "mung!"

Young Living has an essential oil called "Thieves." And this acts similarly to that

It was a fun project to do with my friend. It was a reason for us to be in pretty constant communication and our feedback was real; Authentic trials and tribulations of trying something new and natural. 

Following are first my photos and notes, then I have posted Jen's photos and notes. 

I was lucky enough to source fresh herbs from my garden. But fresh horseradish was impossible to find so I used prepared horseradish. Also, the recipe on Homestead and Chill uses Eucalyptus essential oil. I didn't have any so I skipped it.

It looked so pretty in the blender.

This is a photograph I took of the Fire Cider sitting on the counter right after I filled the jar. Everyday I shook the jar to mix it up. While it fermented the last thing we wanted was a mold batch too. Shaking the jar prevents it from growing fungus and instead spurs forth a healthy fermentation.

Here it is on Day 35. I probably could've put in the jars it on Day 30 but I was sidetracked by all kinds of other things so I just let it sit there. This is the pic I took yesterday before I put it into the bottles.

From above too so you can see exactly what it looks like in the jar after the month long fermenting process.

What a gorgeous color!

In the jars and ready to sip!

I tried it out immediately. It is quite a tonic-very heavy on the vinegar and not really spicy enough for my tastes. But drinkable just the same. I hope it is potent. How did we as a society move so far away from natural medicine? It worked for grave robbers during the Black Death!

Below are Jen's pics and notes:

These are Jen's ingredients. She processed her ingredients differently than I did. She cut all her ingredients and layered them in the jars. I whirred everything together in the blender. 

Here is a photo of her batch on her kitchen counter. Gorgeous colors! Mine were not this pretty but hopefully we were both successful in the fermentation of this medicine.

After a month of fermentation, this was Jen's yield. That should last her through the winter. She just tried her tonic today and reported that it was spicy and not too vinegary. She says, "It tastes like Nature's Medicine!"

Jen added the honey after the final fermentation and before she downed it. I added the honey a day before straining and bottling. 

I loved this project, I felt enthusiastic about this adventure the moment Jen reached out to me about it. Naturalist medicinals are just one of the ways Jen and I are soul sisters. We have known each other for years and have often compared notes about bohemian lifestyles, brewing concoctions, boat travel, cooking, crystals and energy work and exercise. We have had numerous adventures together not the least of which was a weekend at the Yoga Farm Ashram (which, if you haven't done, you won't be sorry. Try it!)

 

It's Fall Y'all

Up here on the hill we are into fall, full swing. As we head closer to winter it is getting colder by the second. But the fall color up here never disappoints even as the days get shorter. I have been so inspired by this season that I think my photos have gotten better, my cooking seems to have better aromas, my creativity has been sparked and my physical fitness has been charged. I am, by body, a summer girl. But, by soul, an Autumn girl, no question. I am an October baby, born on the last day of Libra. It is said, that as a "cusper," I have a touch of Scorpio in me which makes me a full fledged Fall Baby!

These mood boards are the best visual way I can show you how I feel. Most of them below are from my Pinterest board called Mood Boards: